A Dangerous Road to Happiness
by Rae11
Summary: Zelda, Peach, and Samus are sick and tired of the boys and their attitudes so they decide to take a pleasant vacation, and the worst vacation agency around. This place guarantees disaster instead of pleasure and the girls are on their way to an adventure


Title: Dangerous Road to Happiness

Summary: Peach, Zelda, and Samus are sick and tired of all the men in the house and their ungrateful attitudes, so they decided to take a vacation, but they end up picking the worst vacation agency in the world. Instead of guarantying happiness they guarantee disaster, so they girls are in for a chaotic vacation.

Thanks to Reviewers:

MadJuilin

KatAngel 7

Mullenium Master

ptpeach

Alleycat 1312

Sage of Downtown Hyrule

Or anyone else's reviewers I forgot or didn't get to read until later

As for Samus, Zelda, and Peach: well, I don't really know how they act for real...I mean besides—you know Peach always being kidnapped, Zelda being held prisoner constantly, and Samus killing alien invaders—you really can never know how these characters will react in certain circumstances. I just try to best fit their personalities as best as I can, and in a comical way, which is why Samus and Peach fight. Peach because she's kind of always in need of help and spoiled, while Samus always fights her own battles and was probably only defenseless when she was a child.

I thank those who think that I'm doing a good job with these characters.

BTW: Sorry for the wait.

Rule 6# A Lady Should Never Give Up

Pt. 1

Zelda groaned as she looked at the other girls and took in what had happened less than three hours ago.

Needless to say the girls were not all that happy when they found their wallet stolen. Especially when they found out that they had to no where else to go than straight back to that slimy, roach infested, Zeebiki hotel.

'I thought it was bad before, but I didn't consider sleeping in it.' Zelda thought eyeing the other girls wearily.

Samus kept looking around the room back and forth as if trying to decide if it was safer to sleep inside or outside. Peach looked like she was about to cry.

There wasn't one safe looking spot in the whole room. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however way you want to look at it; the inn had only three rooms for guests.

One _very_ nasty room.

A though it was not as nasty as the front room it still was bad.

The walls were faded and cracked with gum and some green slimy stuff stuck to the wall. The floor was surprisingly clean—or as clean as it can be with roaches and spiders slithering across it, the bed sheets were a stained brown so deep that you could never tell that it was white, and what can only be described as blood was stained on the ceiling.

They shuddered.

"Oh fuck no!" Samus claimed, head pounding from all the disappointment, excitement, and misery that occurred in the just one day.

"Well, guys I guess we have to make due." Zelda said with forced cheerfulness that sounded more strained then joyous.

The other's grumbled as they set about making the place somewhat comfortable for them.

XXX

About thirty minutes, six howls of rage, four roach sightings, and three beating from Samus to Peach, they had made them a somewhat comfortable place on the floor. That is after Samus laid down some specially made glow sticks that bugs surprisingly didn't like. It worked too, because hardly any bugs dared to go near the circle of green around their sleeping area.

They all decided to sleep without covers or sheets, since they obviously couldn't trust them. They thankful dropped off into a deep slumber, thinking that they last off their problems were over, when they had really just began…

It had first started off when Peach arose from her sleep. She had slept quiet nicely under the protection of the magical glow sticks, thinking that just because they worked at night then they must also work in the daytime.

Big mistake.

The second that Peach opened her eyes, she was staring straight into the small, small eyes of a cockroach. Her loud shriek tore through Samus's and Zelda's sleep, waking them up instantly.

"What-What the hell?" Samus asked, trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes.

"Peach, all you alright?" asked Zelda straightening up.

"NO, I AM NOT ALL RIGHT!! WHEN I WAKE UP STARING INTO THE EYES OF A ROACH, I AM NOT ALRIGHT!" Peach screamed, after the roach ran away. She stared accusingly at Samus.

"Don't get mad at me, when the roach was simply trying to talk to a family member." Samus grumbled, deciding to get up.

"Hey! I am not related to a roach!!"

"A roach, rat, weasel, they all equal pretty much to you in my book."

"Why you!" Peach growled, getting ready to tackle Samus.

"WHHAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!" The three girls jumped as their door was suddenly flung open.

"Will you two please shut up!" A small, large, and balding man yelled. "Some people are actually trying to screw in piece!"

Peach, Samus, and Zelda blushed and started to apologize before stopping and quickly turning their heads.

"Ohhh!!! That's gross, cover it up!" Samus said, trying desperately to ignore the image of the balding man's robe almost opening in his, uh…private area.

"No! If I'm trying to screw and I get interrupted by some loud-mouthed broads, then I can come out and talk to those little punks any way I want." The balding man said with his body shaking every time he talked, flapping the bottom part of his rob every now and then, thoroughly disgusting them.

"Oh my god, he's not wearing any underwear!" Peach moaned, hiding her face in Zelda's shoulder.

"Just leave please! We get it, okay! We get it! Now just leave!" Samus said, feeling the insane urge to throw up.

"Only when you punks get the point!" The man ranted swaying from side to side, unconsciously waving his uh…personal area around also.

The girls were now seriously considering first class murder.

XXX

"What the _fuck_ is this?" Samus asked abruptly.

"It's certainty doesn't look edible." Peach commented.

"It looks like shit." Samus grumbled.

"Probably taste like it too." Peach agreed.

"Well it's the only thing the hotel have and we don't have any money to be complaining about what we're giving, remember?" Zelda reminded them as they all looked at the pile of gruel that they were served for breakfast.

The looked like a couple of fugitives on death row.

"It's so yucky!" Peach exclaimed in distress.

Samus smirked, "And to think about all the time you use to complain about all that gourmet food you were served at the castle."

"Gourmet food." Peach drooled.

"You know, like the one dish with the honey chicken smothered in all types of herbs and seasoning."

"Herbs, spices, chicken…"

"And to think about that one time you actually threw it away because it was cooked a minute to long…" Samus trailed off.

Peach began to cry.

Zelda rolled her eyes, "Samus stopped torturing Peach. You should be-" She was cut off by the rumbling in her stomach.

Samus gave her a wicked smile, "Or maybe I'm_ really_ teasing you?"

"Mmm…chicken…herbs…"

"Oh shut up! I haven't eaten since we got here." Zelda said indignantly, blushing furiously.

"Well, neither has me and Peach but you haven't seen us with our stomach growling." Samus said.

"Steak…baby peas…"

"Well, I am a princess!" Zelda stated, huffily.

"And?" Samus said rolling her head.

"And princess have a different standard them common folk." She said stiffly.

"Steamed carrots…baby back ribs." The sound of drool falling out of Peach's mouth couldn't be heard over Zelda and Samus's bickering.

"Common folk?" Samus eyes narrowed, "I am not some country bumpkin! I am a bounty hunter and an alien killer, thank you very much, Highness!"

"I didn't mean that!"

"Then what did you mean?"

"Sushi…freshly imported bread from China…"

"I meant that Princesses are taught to behave different from everyone else. We're taught to sit up straight, not to talk until spoken to, and we are taught to eat in small bit and never eat more than half the meal. So while you can eat all you want, Peach and I have a code to keep to!"

"Well guess what princess, your not in Hyrule! You're on a fucking vacation and you can do whatever the fuck you want!" Samus said, seriously pissed.

"Honey ham…escargot…"

"Oh, be quiet! All I'm saying is that you ate more than I, that all!"

"Well maybe if you starve your body enough can eat the fat out of your head!"

Zelda gasped, "How dare you!"

"Yes I dare!"

"Strawberry shortcake…fruit tarts…"

"Well maybe if _you_ starve enough _your_ body can eat the fat from your ass!" Zelda shot back.

"At least I got an ass to eat from; all you have is your little B cups!" Samus spat out.

"Well forgive me but everybody can't have water jugs like you!" Zelda said furiously, her ears twitching.

"Mashed potatoes…pork chops…" More drool can be heard falling from Peach's mouth.

"Oh, You know what-!" Samus said standing up.

Zelda jumped up too, "What!"

"I am so going to love punching the shit out off-!"

"Lover's quarrel?" A voice said. They both whirled around to see the same receptionist that they had seen the day before. She smirked at them, "Well it seems that you tourist got your wallets stolen. You're just lucky that your stay is already paid for in advance or else I would have to put you to work you around here."

"Lucky us." Samus mumbled.

"But even though your stay is covered your food is not, so you will have to get a job to pay for the food you've ate here." She continued, smirking.

"You have got to be shitting me!"


End file.
